Telling Your Family and Friends
Parents sometimes worry about telling friends and family about their child’s condition. However, it is recommended that you do it as early as possible. Parents report that the longer you wait, the harder it gets. Not only will waiting add to the stress that you may already be dealing with, but you will likely miss out on the comfort and support that your loved ones might be able to provide during this time. Keep in mind, too, that others will follow your lead. Family and friends will usually want to support you, and if you are able to focus on the positive aspects of caring for your child, they will likely want to share in your joy! You should also consider offering friends and family members information about the developmental aspects of a child with special needs so that they, too, can share in celebrating your child’s accomplishments.
If someone does not react in the way you would hope, remember that he or she may have personal reasons for doing so that have nothing to do with you or your child. Grandparents, for example, may be dealing not only with the news that their grandchild has a disability, but also with the knowledge that their child is in pain.
Just as parents often go through the stages of grief, grandparents may also go through shock, denial and other emotions before they are able to accept the news. It is important to let them deal with their emotions at their own pace so they, too, can heal and begin to find the joy in helping to raise their grandchild. Support group membership is usually open to grandparents and other relatives, so you might consider letting them know that it is an option available to them. It is not uncommon for people in shock to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. A technique you may find very helpful is simply called “applying grace”. Often someone will say something that could be misconstrued as inappropriate. They often feel terrible about what they have said or the situation they now find themselves in and may pull away from your family, creating a greater sense of loneliness for you. Our goal as parents should be to pull people back into our circle of family and friends by saying something such as, “You know that dumb thing you just said five minutes ago? I know you are kicking yourself in the head for saying it and it is okay. We are all trying to figure this out and I know this is difficult, but you have no idea how much your friendship and support means during this time.” As your child’s number one advocate, making people feel like they belong to your child’s team is one of the single best things you can do for their long-term outcomes.
Do not be afraid of sharing your emotions with your trusted friends and family members. Often, these people are eager to provide emotional support or other assistance. If you share your feelings honestly and openly, you create opportunities for them to do so. Remember that whenever you do turn to others for assistance, it is a good idea to be specific about how much help you want or what exactly are your needs.